Honey Bunny and I were in San Diego this week for an all-expenses-paid trip to an industry conference in which HB was presented with one of this industry's high honors. Yay for Honey Bunny! It was pretty sweet being set up at a nice hotel, most meals catered, not to mention being able to hang with my San Diegan peeps. Only problem was that people from this industry happen to be pretty darn conservative and pretty darn proud of it, while we are pretty darn liberal.
Under the best of circumstances, I don't really know how to gracefully disagree with someone. Seems like I either go way overboard and get defensive, or I don't say anything at all and feel regretful after the fact. This conference, in which we were being hosted because of an honor HB earned, could be considered the worst of circumstances.
For instance, we were making chit-chat with an industry person over cocktails at the big awards banquet. Industry Person would be presenting HB's award to him later in the program and HB has known him peripherally for many years and respects him. It was a time to play nice. It wasn't long before the conversation veered into dangerous territory, though.
Long story that I'm not going to get into but Industry Person shared his views on adoption. He said, "Adoption should only be allowed for married couples, and marriage should only be between a man and a woman. It's scary what's happening out there with gay marriage and all that stuff." Honey Bunny kind of grunted "hmmm", I kind of grunted "hmmm", and then we stole a "WTF?" glance at eachother. Then I took a page from my mother's book and mused about what the weather might be like tomorrow. Awkward!
I told this story to a gay friend earlier today and this friend is no longer speaking to me. Could be temporary, could be permanent... I never really know with this friend. But her point was that I should have said something to counter this guy's opinion because "I have lots of gay friends."
Moral of the story: don't talk to people about shit that you don't want to hear their opinions on. Seriously!
My personal opinion is that there's a time and a place to share your opinions and/or respond to other people's strong opinions. While I think it was totally distasteful for Industry Person to have voiced his opinion on gay marriage in that venue, just assuming we would share his opinion, I don't know that my opposing viewpoint would have done much more than put HB on edge on a very special night for him.
In my defense(iveness), what I wanted to say to Gay Friend is that sometimes you have to make sacrifices for your significant other, and that she doesn't understand that at this stage in her life because she has not yet been in a long-term significant relationship. When you're in a relationship, there are times you find yourself tripping out on something you've just done or said (or not done or not said, as the case may be) because in your single years you never would have dreamed of making a sacrifice like that for anyone. Maybe you'd watched a coupled friend make a decision you disagreed with and you vowed never to make that same mistake. But then you couple and you find yourself on the other side of the fence and you completely understand in retrospect why your friend made that decision. That's how long-term significantly coupled life has been for me, anyhow.
I won't say any of that to my gay friend, of course. I'm not gay, and further, I just got married. It's not my civil rights that were just trod upon. Ultimately, I understand her point about why I should have spoken up about my opinion on gay marriage to Industry Person. I don't like that she's chosen to not speak to me, but I do understand her reaction.
As a result, I keep thinking, Would I change how I responded to his comment in retrospect? If I could turn back time, probably... but only because I'm that person who can think of a million great witty/clever/barbed/whatever retorts to an insult if you give me 12 hours and a handful of Advil. (On the spot? Nope. See aforementioned paragraph re: best of circumstances.) But, then again, maybe I wouldn't.
21 November 2008
04 November 2008
Swagger
For those of you who watched "America's Best Dance Crew, Season 2" on MTV, could the word "swagger" be any more overused in reference to Supreme Soul? (And, was Fanny Pak robbed or what??)
Supreme Soul got labeled early on as having mega-egos. Eh, don't you kinda have to have a mega-ego if you're going to compete on an MTV reality show? Especially in the genre of hip-hop dancing where contests are known as "battles"? Especially a crew who battled ABDC Season 1 winner, and my personal dance favorites, JabbaWockeeZ, and WON?
The reason I bring this up is because I was reading one of Honey Bunny's motorcycle magazines this morning and was lucky enough to come across Valentino Rossi news. (Yes, when I run out of new issues of US Weekly and InStyle, I turn to HB's moto rags for warmth and comfort.) There was some coverage of the Laguna Seca race of the MotoGP 2008 race series. Rossi won again, no surprise there. Casey Stoner (heh, his last name is Stoner!) still fighting for first. Nicky Hayden still fighting for... anything above 10th, really.
By the way, Nicky Hayden is to blame for this whole MotoGP and Valentino Rossi interest of mine. MTV produced a little documentary early this year called "The Kentucky Kid", all about Hayden's rise to a completely unexpected MotoGP Championship win in 2006, and his ensuing fall from grace in the 2007 race year. It was an interesting story, for sure, but mostly I realized that watching motorcycle racing, at least MotoGP racing, is like watching baseball. The action is slow but sure, slightly meditative, with some spine-tingling action along the way.
Mostly, though, I was captivated by Valentino Rossi. The guy has enough swagger to last about five million lifetimes, yet somehow he manages to still be likeable. This moto mag described him as "fun-loving imp" on the outside and "fiercest competitor ever" on the inside. Rossi is the guy at press conferences who puts his feet up on the table and leans his chair back on two legs, like he hasn't a care in the world. But surely, surely that hides the inner-workings of someone who is completely competent, completely focused and completely FULL of cares.
After the wedding, my friend's boyfriend told her that I was different than other fat girls he's met. He said, "All the zaftig chicks I've known have been loud, crass and full of swagger." He said that I, on the other hand, was reserved and classy. It's too bad he's never seen me in full swing because I'm pretty sure he'd be surprised, but it was nice to get that feedback nevertheless.
I've also known several zaftig sisters who were loud, crass and full of swagger. In fact, they comprise the majority, at least in my world. At work I have a cube neighbor who is an aspiring stand-up comedian. Sometimes for annual staff retreats, she gets talked into doing stand-up routines and they invariably land her in the CEO's office for a stern talking-to about cussing, vulgarity and the very public trashing of said CEO. I love that!
It's funny because there are a lot of people in this world who I find annoying based solely on the swagger they exhibit. Then there are others who I find interesting primarily because of their swagger. Here's how I separate it out in this crazy head of mine... If I think there is an unabashed mega-ego behind the swagger, then it can be acceptable (see: Rossi). If I think there is a vulnerable person underneath who is trying to artifically pump up his/her ego by blowing swagger smoke up my ass, then I find the person completely distasteful (see: Perez Hilton). If I think there is a vulnerable person underneath who is fighting for something more, then it's deserved (see: cube neighbor).
Supreme Soul got labeled early on as having mega-egos. Eh, don't you kinda have to have a mega-ego if you're going to compete on an MTV reality show? Especially in the genre of hip-hop dancing where contests are known as "battles"? Especially a crew who battled ABDC Season 1 winner, and my personal dance favorites, JabbaWockeeZ, and WON?
The reason I bring this up is because I was reading one of Honey Bunny's motorcycle magazines this morning and was lucky enough to come across Valentino Rossi news. (Yes, when I run out of new issues of US Weekly and InStyle, I turn to HB's moto rags for warmth and comfort.) There was some coverage of the Laguna Seca race of the MotoGP 2008 race series. Rossi won again, no surprise there. Casey Stoner (heh, his last name is Stoner!) still fighting for first. Nicky Hayden still fighting for... anything above 10th, really.
By the way, Nicky Hayden is to blame for this whole MotoGP and Valentino Rossi interest of mine. MTV produced a little documentary early this year called "The Kentucky Kid", all about Hayden's rise to a completely unexpected MotoGP Championship win in 2006, and his ensuing fall from grace in the 2007 race year. It was an interesting story, for sure, but mostly I realized that watching motorcycle racing, at least MotoGP racing, is like watching baseball. The action is slow but sure, slightly meditative, with some spine-tingling action along the way.
Mostly, though, I was captivated by Valentino Rossi. The guy has enough swagger to last about five million lifetimes, yet somehow he manages to still be likeable. This moto mag described him as "fun-loving imp" on the outside and "fiercest competitor ever" on the inside. Rossi is the guy at press conferences who puts his feet up on the table and leans his chair back on two legs, like he hasn't a care in the world. But surely, surely that hides the inner-workings of someone who is completely competent, completely focused and completely FULL of cares.
After the wedding, my friend's boyfriend told her that I was different than other fat girls he's met. He said, "All the zaftig chicks I've known have been loud, crass and full of swagger." He said that I, on the other hand, was reserved and classy. It's too bad he's never seen me in full swing because I'm pretty sure he'd be surprised, but it was nice to get that feedback nevertheless.
I've also known several zaftig sisters who were loud, crass and full of swagger. In fact, they comprise the majority, at least in my world. At work I have a cube neighbor who is an aspiring stand-up comedian. Sometimes for annual staff retreats, she gets talked into doing stand-up routines and they invariably land her in the CEO's office for a stern talking-to about cussing, vulgarity and the very public trashing of said CEO. I love that!
It's funny because there are a lot of people in this world who I find annoying based solely on the swagger they exhibit. Then there are others who I find interesting primarily because of their swagger. Here's how I separate it out in this crazy head of mine... If I think there is an unabashed mega-ego behind the swagger, then it can be acceptable (see: Rossi). If I think there is a vulnerable person underneath who is trying to artifically pump up his/her ego by blowing swagger smoke up my ass, then I find the person completely distasteful (see: Perez Hilton). If I think there is a vulnerable person underneath who is fighting for something more, then it's deserved (see: cube neighbor).
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)