Undies, Part 2: Thongs Are the Devil's Handywork

I remember when it struck me that thongs were going to play a larger role in culture than I really wanted them to. "The Thong Song" was at the height of its popularity, and I had a horrible crush on a coworker-friend who was starting to consistently point out girls who he deemed hot simply because they had thong or g-string straps hanging out the top of their low-rise jeans. Against my better judgement but propelled by what I thought was burning hot love on the horizon, I bought a thong at my earliest convenience. Low-rise jeans weren't yet being made for fat girls so I put on jeans that I knew gapped in the back when I bent over, pulled some scrap paper from my recycling bin, and went to work faux filing - in crouched position - in front of my coworker-friend's office. The only thing this accomplished was grossing out my other (gay) coworker-friend, Steve, who happened to witness the occasion from his own office windows. I heard a gasp, a mutterance of "Whoa, g-string", and thought to myself "oh shit."

Things never did work out with the (straight) coworker-friend, thankfully. Or the thong in general for that matter. I ended up throwing the aforementioned thong (and two g-strings from other ridiculous attempts; no comment) to a fiery grave one winter when I was into ceremonially burning old tired mementos.

Remember how I mentioned my friend Shasta in the "Undies, Part 1" posting? Regarding the thong, she'd said, "You just gotta get used to it." She also said that after a few days, the urge to pick the strap out your ass subsides which was not at all true for me. I could only wear a thong for an hour max before I felt like I was going crazy in my head, and had to get the thing out and away from my body ASAP. A few days?? No fucking way.

Lucky for me, there's diversity in the undies world and so I can be comfortable while still looking nice. There are lots of options to avoid what we used to call "VPL" in the 80's (Visable Panty Lines). It seems like skin tight pants/jeans without back pockets are out of vogue now, too. And oh my gawd, can we just acknowledge the fortunate passing of freakishly low-rise jeans and thongs decorated at the top of the butt with shit like sequined butterflies, ie. thongs that are made for the express purpose of hanging out the top of pants?! My favorite Project Runway word applies here: VULGAR. I don't want to know what's in someone else's buttcrack, thank you very much.

*Phat Girlz*

Tee hee, I was so happy to see this movie on the Apple Quicktime Movie Trailers site! It looks like it's going to be fun.