I'm, as my Dad would say, a "women's libber" so I've been thinking a bit about asking Honey Bunny to marry me. Let me assure you... this has nothing at all to do with researching dress, shoe and hair possibilities and fanciful thoughts of cleverly-worded custom-designed letterpressed invitations. Ahem. Well, maybe just a teensy bit.
Well, slap me on the back and call me Judy because I had no idea there were so many options for fat girls in the wedding dress department! I seriously thought there would be like six whole styles to choose from, and they would be:
1) The 80's mutton-chop sleeve version
2) The super poofy princess version
3) The "it has to have long sleeves because I hate my arms" version
4) All above rolled into one
5) The "I can't find a wedding dress so will wear Mother of the Bride dress instead" version
- and last but not least -
6) The "I'm fat so I might as well dress like a Renaissance Faire wench" version
(I used to work at the Renaissance Faire so I'm allowed to joke about that last one.)
But no! Instead, there are beautiful and tasteful choices just like there are for the skinnier gals, and lots of vendors to choose from. Even Lane Bryant has come out with a small sampling of wedding dresses on their website. Who knew?
Slightly less shocking but still exciting is that there is now an endless array of bridesmaid dresses in sizes up to 28. You know, I was a bridesmaid five times in the 90's alone... it was always a challenge to find plus-size dresses, to the point where I had to have 3 of the 5 made for me by a tailor.
Wow!
Well anyhow, in case you're wondering -- I am seriously thinking about asking for HB's hand, and not because of the design possibilities. He's the love of my life and I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else. Awww!
(Hopefully he doesn't really read my blog, hee.)
27 July 2006
18 July 2006
Madness
My world has been rocked, and by something I never would've imagined. One of my bosses went out on medical leave about 6 weeks ago, for surgery. Given that she didn't tell any of us what type of surgery she was having, I assumed it was probably something deeply personal such as a hysterectomy, while others in the office were speculating plastic surgery of some sort. Mind you, we're not talking about someone who is shy in any way, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt given that she was a radical feminist in the 70's, and a lesbian (until recently) to boot.
She sauntered back into work yesterday looking a good 20 lbs. lighter in the stomach. I looked at her and didn't quite know what to say. After some pressing by coworkers ("Soooo... are you ok after your, you know, surgery?"), she told us that she'd had a tummy tuck and some liposuction, and that opened the flood-gates. Whatever hesitancy she'd had to speak on the subject until then flew out the window and we were witness to a 45-minute long soliloquy on the wonder that was her plastic surgery.
The most horrifying part was when she whipped up her shirt to show us her "new" belly button. You know, because when you have a tummy tuck they pull the skin down taught to just above your pubic hair and sew it there -- thus, you no longer have your real belly button anymore and the surgeon has to create a new one. Red and inflamed, jagged, stitched, bizarre: those are the words to describe the new belly button, at least at this stage in the game.
There was much talk of drains that stuck out of her abdomen for several weeks during the recovery, and how she basically had to just stay laying down for four weeks straight. She spent the whole time in a Vicodin haze and then had to kick the ensuing addiction in order to return to work. It took a week for the withdrawl symptoms to subside, a week where she couldn't sleep, had hot and cold flashes, and apparently was a monsterous bitch. Meanwhile, she could barely walk to and from the bathroom without collapsing into sleep afterwards, because it took so much energy to just walk 10 paces.
One of my favorite things was hearing about how the surgery came to pass. She casually mentioned to her fiancee that she'd thought about having a tummy tuck since beginning menopause. He replied, "I'll pay for it if you want to do it." Then the consultation appointment where the plastic surgeon looked at her naked body and said, "Yep, you're a perfect candidate for these procedures. Your body is going to look hot after all is said and done." (Wow, I wonder if all plastic surgeons are so sincere?)
The madness is in just how proud she is of the entire thing. She was proud to have her fiancee pay for it, she was proud that the plastic surgeon flattered her, she was proud to have drains sticking out of her body and to have a Vicodin addiction, and now she's proud to show off her newly flattened stomach and new belly button.
I mean... it's seriously all just beyond me. I've watched episodes of Dr. 90210 and Nip/Tuck, and I've seen celebrity transformations in the tabloids. I've just never had someone in my own world get surgery, and it's heart-breaking. She doesn't think it's heart-breaking, she thinks it's ground-breaking. Not that I ever looked up to her specifically in terms of feminist values, but she represented something to me.
I guess you could say I've lost my innocence where this particular subject is concerned. (That happens a lot as an adult, and it's never less shocking than the last time it happened.) What normal person elects to have herself cut open and cut and scraped away (or added to) for the sake of vanity? I'm sorry for being a judgemental asshole, but you have got to be totally sick in the head if you think it's ok to do this to yourself. Celebrities are one thing - they're not normal and as sick as it is, their livelihood depends on their apprearance. I realize that lots of people get plastic surgery done, not just the usual suspects -- but again, never anyone in my world. Perhaps it wouldn't have felt so shocking if all my coworkers hadn't followed her sermon with, "Oh my god! I'm totally going to ask my husband if I can get it done now!"
And speaking of which, my personal albeit old-school feminist values are also all riled up by the fact that her fiancee endorsed it, paid for it, and is of course supporting the theory that she now looks hot. (Whereas before she looked like dog shit? I mean, come on!)
Sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick!
She sauntered back into work yesterday looking a good 20 lbs. lighter in the stomach. I looked at her and didn't quite know what to say. After some pressing by coworkers ("Soooo... are you ok after your, you know, surgery?"), she told us that she'd had a tummy tuck and some liposuction, and that opened the flood-gates. Whatever hesitancy she'd had to speak on the subject until then flew out the window and we were witness to a 45-minute long soliloquy on the wonder that was her plastic surgery.
The most horrifying part was when she whipped up her shirt to show us her "new" belly button. You know, because when you have a tummy tuck they pull the skin down taught to just above your pubic hair and sew it there -- thus, you no longer have your real belly button anymore and the surgeon has to create a new one. Red and inflamed, jagged, stitched, bizarre: those are the words to describe the new belly button, at least at this stage in the game.
There was much talk of drains that stuck out of her abdomen for several weeks during the recovery, and how she basically had to just stay laying down for four weeks straight. She spent the whole time in a Vicodin haze and then had to kick the ensuing addiction in order to return to work. It took a week for the withdrawl symptoms to subside, a week where she couldn't sleep, had hot and cold flashes, and apparently was a monsterous bitch. Meanwhile, she could barely walk to and from the bathroom without collapsing into sleep afterwards, because it took so much energy to just walk 10 paces.
One of my favorite things was hearing about how the surgery came to pass. She casually mentioned to her fiancee that she'd thought about having a tummy tuck since beginning menopause. He replied, "I'll pay for it if you want to do it." Then the consultation appointment where the plastic surgeon looked at her naked body and said, "Yep, you're a perfect candidate for these procedures. Your body is going to look hot after all is said and done." (Wow, I wonder if all plastic surgeons are so sincere?)
The madness is in just how proud she is of the entire thing. She was proud to have her fiancee pay for it, she was proud that the plastic surgeon flattered her, she was proud to have drains sticking out of her body and to have a Vicodin addiction, and now she's proud to show off her newly flattened stomach and new belly button.
I mean... it's seriously all just beyond me. I've watched episodes of Dr. 90210 and Nip/Tuck, and I've seen celebrity transformations in the tabloids. I've just never had someone in my own world get surgery, and it's heart-breaking. She doesn't think it's heart-breaking, she thinks it's ground-breaking. Not that I ever looked up to her specifically in terms of feminist values, but she represented something to me.
I guess you could say I've lost my innocence where this particular subject is concerned. (That happens a lot as an adult, and it's never less shocking than the last time it happened.) What normal person elects to have herself cut open and cut and scraped away (or added to) for the sake of vanity? I'm sorry for being a judgemental asshole, but you have got to be totally sick in the head if you think it's ok to do this to yourself. Celebrities are one thing - they're not normal and as sick as it is, their livelihood depends on their apprearance. I realize that lots of people get plastic surgery done, not just the usual suspects -- but again, never anyone in my world. Perhaps it wouldn't have felt so shocking if all my coworkers hadn't followed her sermon with, "Oh my god! I'm totally going to ask my husband if I can get it done now!"
And speaking of which, my personal albeit old-school feminist values are also all riled up by the fact that her fiancee endorsed it, paid for it, and is of course supporting the theory that she now looks hot. (Whereas before she looked like dog shit? I mean, come on!)
Sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick!
03 July 2006
Fat girl shopping & a TV show to avoid
I decided to throw legal caution to the wind and link to all the plus size clothing stores I could find on the web. Some of the stores have pure crap in my opinion, but I've been bitching for years about the lack of plus size clothing stores so I'm just gonna zip it and link up. I honestly couldn't believe how many stores came up in the Yahoo search.
Of course, most of the stores listed are stores that already make thin-person clothes and have expanded their selection - but that's cool, I'm not complaining. But what I'd really love to see is some great plus-size boutiques that design and make their own clothes based on a concept, rather than to just cover the basics. We need some style and pizazz! We need sweet and cute dresses that are well-made and could make it to the pages of Glamour mag. (Yes, so they can be accessorized with some insanely large and wide leather belt with ugly "nailhead" studding on it... sorry, but have you seen the last two issues? I mean, bathing suits with belts?? Please save me!)
You know what surprised the hell out of me was to see that Eddie Bauer is now making up to size 26. Eddie and I, we go way back. Picture me in 1998: a size 20-22, a starving student transitioning into a starving graduate with an extremely low paying first job, a horrible shopping addiction, and a handful of store credit cards. Eddie Bauer pretty much outfitted me for said first job... preppy and cute with an affinity for twin-sets. (They also had excellent bedding - it was the first time I'd spent over $100 per sheet set - but that's another story for another time.) Eddie and I were on top of the world! Until I realized I could no longer keep up with minimum payments and had to succumb to Consumer Credit Counseling. And then again when I surpassed size 22. Eddie and I haven't spoken since then, but maybe we'll give it another whirl.
*****
Now, about that TV show to avoid... what exactly is up with TLC's stupid fucking "Honey, We're Killing the Kids!"? Along with "The Biggest Loser" and "Celebrity Fit Club", they don't try to hide how contemptuous they are of the fat folk they're trying to "help". "Honey" uses computer imaging/age progressions to show the parents what their fat kids are going to look like when they get older if they continue eating/not exercising on the same arc that they presently are. Hmm, interesting how little normal looking (but fat) 10 year old Johnny progresses into a fat balding fag! Yes, one earring, sloping puppy dog eyes, a bad comb-over and hygiene issues. And little normal looking (but fat) 8 year old Jenny progresses into a bedraggled trailerpark princess... thinning dirty hair pulled back into a messy low ponytail and all.
I would have never noticed this myself - never! - had I not been accidentally watching "The Soup" on E! one day. They did a bit that pointed out how ridiculous the whole age progression thing was.
You know, I get it... I get that kids are less active and more overfed today than at any other time in history. I get that obesity is at an all-time high. But I tend to lean towards the theory a different TLC show, "Shalom in the Home", is touting. Hello - PARENTS are the problem! Don't make the fat your kid is wearing the scapegoat for your own poor parenting. If you want your kid to be in shape and eat right, then you need to model that behavior for them, make it the norm in your household, and try to make it interesting and fun in some way. That's probably part of "Honey"'s theory too, but given that I've never made it through an entire show without throwing the remote at the wall, I wouldn't know. That Dr. Hark woman is a real piece of work.
And besides, I wonder how many people effectively lose weight and become healthy, especially in the long-term, as a result of scare tactics? (Which, by the way, was kind of a fun show.)
Of course, most of the stores listed are stores that already make thin-person clothes and have expanded their selection - but that's cool, I'm not complaining. But what I'd really love to see is some great plus-size boutiques that design and make their own clothes based on a concept, rather than to just cover the basics. We need some style and pizazz! We need sweet and cute dresses that are well-made and could make it to the pages of Glamour mag. (Yes, so they can be accessorized with some insanely large and wide leather belt with ugly "nailhead" studding on it... sorry, but have you seen the last two issues? I mean, bathing suits with belts?? Please save me!)
You know what surprised the hell out of me was to see that Eddie Bauer is now making up to size 26. Eddie and I, we go way back. Picture me in 1998: a size 20-22, a starving student transitioning into a starving graduate with an extremely low paying first job, a horrible shopping addiction, and a handful of store credit cards. Eddie Bauer pretty much outfitted me for said first job... preppy and cute with an affinity for twin-sets. (They also had excellent bedding - it was the first time I'd spent over $100 per sheet set - but that's another story for another time.) Eddie and I were on top of the world! Until I realized I could no longer keep up with minimum payments and had to succumb to Consumer Credit Counseling. And then again when I surpassed size 22. Eddie and I haven't spoken since then, but maybe we'll give it another whirl.
*****
Now, about that TV show to avoid... what exactly is up with TLC's stupid fucking "Honey, We're Killing the Kids!"? Along with "The Biggest Loser" and "Celebrity Fit Club", they don't try to hide how contemptuous they are of the fat folk they're trying to "help". "Honey" uses computer imaging/age progressions to show the parents what their fat kids are going to look like when they get older if they continue eating/not exercising on the same arc that they presently are. Hmm, interesting how little normal looking (but fat) 10 year old Johnny progresses into a fat balding fag! Yes, one earring, sloping puppy dog eyes, a bad comb-over and hygiene issues. And little normal looking (but fat) 8 year old Jenny progresses into a bedraggled trailerpark princess... thinning dirty hair pulled back into a messy low ponytail and all.
I would have never noticed this myself - never! - had I not been accidentally watching "The Soup" on E! one day. They did a bit that pointed out how ridiculous the whole age progression thing was.
You know, I get it... I get that kids are less active and more overfed today than at any other time in history. I get that obesity is at an all-time high. But I tend to lean towards the theory a different TLC show, "Shalom in the Home", is touting. Hello - PARENTS are the problem! Don't make the fat your kid is wearing the scapegoat for your own poor parenting. If you want your kid to be in shape and eat right, then you need to model that behavior for them, make it the norm in your household, and try to make it interesting and fun in some way. That's probably part of "Honey"'s theory too, but given that I've never made it through an entire show without throwing the remote at the wall, I wouldn't know. That Dr. Hark woman is a real piece of work.
And besides, I wonder how many people effectively lose weight and become healthy, especially in the long-term, as a result of scare tactics? (Which, by the way, was kind of a fun show.)
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