I've been feeling a little self-conscious about my wedding dress posts (or, conversely, that I haven't posted anything else of real significance). I kept/keep going back and forth about whether those posts really relate to the general theme of the blog, but in the end I feel they really do. It's been pretty darn frustrating being a zaftig woman preparing for her wedding. You're supposed to look and feel great on your wedding day, and that includes dressing the part.
I decided early on that I didn't want an actual wedding dress and instead would opt for a floor-length bridesmaid dress. To those who have never shopped first-hand for either, that means I'll spend around $290 while someone who chooses an actual bridal dress will pay an average of $1000. Either way I still cannot believe that women who are above a certain size are expected to slap down cold, hard, final sale cash for a dress that they can't try on until it's delivered to them. Excuse my french, but it fucking boggles my mind how this can be so. And, I personally cannot pull the trigger, no matter how hard I try. I'm basically paralyzed over this decision, and my budget is "only" $350.
The other issue I've been grappling with is that the dress line I've been wanting to purchase from only goes up to size 24. Did I mention that conventional theory is that bridal and bridesmaid dresses are actually two sizes smaller than the tag reads? I'm currently a 26, meaning I would have to lose two sizes (by Feb 1st, to allow for production time) in order to fit into their 24.
So, I decided to get a personal trainer to lose those two sizes. After five weeks, I felt a million times better and stronger health-wise, but didn't have much weight loss to show for it. After much reflection, I decided that I needed a dress line that goes up to 28, and pretty much all but the dress line I mentioned above do this. I felt a lot better, a lot less anxious. I told my trainer about my decision and he was really happy. He said he wants me to be happy and healthy on my wedding day, no matter what size I am. Me, I ultimately felt it was very shallow motivation to lose weight for one dress and one day of my life.
The truth is, though, that I would like to lose weight - not just for that day, but in general - and I feel guilty about it. Part of my identity is being a zaftig chick with in interest in the social issue of fat acceptance. No one should have to lose weight in order to be happy, so why lose weight at all? Right? Well, then, why do I want to lose weight? And if I do end up losing weight, does that make me a total hypocrite? These are questions I've been pondering for seven weeks now, and make the process of personal training, losing weight, and finding motivation a lot more difficult than it already is.
The weirdest thing was when my trainer asked me what my goals were. I said, "to be healthier and stronger and hopefully to lose some weight." He replied, "'hopefully' or 'actually' lose some weight? Because I don't know that middle-ground is really going to work for you in this instance." And, he's right. Lucky for me, he's not the run of the mill gym rat trainer. He's a yoga practitioner who only trains "in the world" (meaning that we do cardio training in his quiet and hilly residential neighborhood) and in the small yoga studio in his house. I can only assume he would swap the word "motivation" for "intent", and I try to keep that in mind. Sometimes "motivation" can be a tool that I use against myself, in lots of ways.
By the way, when I picture myself as less than a size 26, I don't go too far. I fluctuated between sizes 18-22 for a really long time and I think that's where my body and I are happiest, the most balanced. My therapist used to say this... I don't think I'd be the same person if I was much less than that. Being zaftig is part of who I am.
28 December 2007
09 December 2007
Help me decide, Part 3
Sorry, just one more possible wedding dress before I resume regular posting on this blog!
What do you think of this one? I'm not super stoked on the rhinestones but I could make them work. I just think it's a cute dress and would look cute on me.
What do you think of this one? I'm not super stoked on the rhinestones but I could make them work. I just think it's a cute dress and would look cute on me.
07 November 2007
Help me decide, Part 2
A hearty THANK YOU to the folks who posted comments on my previous post - very helpful! But, eh, can I throw another dress into the mix?
I found this one completely by accident. I was perusing the Real Weddings page on the Watters website, and came across pics of bridesmaids from Erin's wedding.
See the woman on the far left? She is by no means zaftig but does have more padded features than the other ladies pictured. I think Wtoo #532 might do a zaftig chick justice. And yes, I would get it in floor length and perhaps in Sky Blue.
Likey?
I found this one completely by accident. I was perusing the Real Weddings page on the Watters website, and came across pics of bridesmaids from Erin's wedding.
See the woman on the far left? She is by no means zaftig but does have more padded features than the other ladies pictured. I think Wtoo #532 might do a zaftig chick justice. And yes, I would get it in floor length and perhaps in Sky Blue.
Likey?
19 October 2007
Help me decide
This is slightly off the topic, but I'm having one hell of a time trying to decide what wedding dress to wear. Want to help point me in the right direction?
First off, you should know that I'm not going to be a traditional bride. For almost my whole life, I've known that I want a dress that either has strong color accents on it, or is itself a color other than white or ivory. If the right dress was more lovely in white or ivory, I'd do it, but for now I'm really feeling like having a dress in color. I think I'd rather look like I was walking down the red carpet than down the aisle.
Also, please note that I will not be wearing a veil, but will have my freshly red longish hair down and curled with stephanotis blossoms dotted in it. (An idea totally ripped from the last scenes of "Wedding Crashers", Isla Fisher's hair.) And of course, most importantly, I'm a zaftig chick. It's hard to pick a dress when they're all shown on non-zaftig models.
Here are my top choices:
This one from Sydney's Closet in Periwinkle or Burgundy. (Note that color swatches on this website are about 1-2 shades darker than they are in person.) Periwinkle, which is close to one of the colors for the wedding, would be a take on a more traditionally light-colored dress but it's still a color and I love love love pretty much any shade of blue. Burgundy is strong and would be a statement. My mother will probably have a hissy, but it's my wedding and I'll be the scarlet woman if I want to.
This one, also from Sydney's Closet, in Capri or Heather. Capri is one of the most beautiful blues I've ever seen. Heather is just plain pretty, and I've always loved shades of purple.
And lastly, this one from Wtoo. No freakin clue what color because I haven't seen the color swatches in person yet.
Post a comment if you've got an opinion!
First off, you should know that I'm not going to be a traditional bride. For almost my whole life, I've known that I want a dress that either has strong color accents on it, or is itself a color other than white or ivory. If the right dress was more lovely in white or ivory, I'd do it, but for now I'm really feeling like having a dress in color. I think I'd rather look like I was walking down the red carpet than down the aisle.
Also, please note that I will not be wearing a veil, but will have my freshly red longish hair down and curled with stephanotis blossoms dotted in it. (An idea totally ripped from the last scenes of "Wedding Crashers", Isla Fisher's hair.) And of course, most importantly, I'm a zaftig chick. It's hard to pick a dress when they're all shown on non-zaftig models.
Here are my top choices:
This one from Sydney's Closet in Periwinkle or Burgundy. (Note that color swatches on this website are about 1-2 shades darker than they are in person.) Periwinkle, which is close to one of the colors for the wedding, would be a take on a more traditionally light-colored dress but it's still a color and I love love love pretty much any shade of blue. Burgundy is strong and would be a statement. My mother will probably have a hissy, but it's my wedding and I'll be the scarlet woman if I want to.
This one, also from Sydney's Closet, in Capri or Heather. Capri is one of the most beautiful blues I've ever seen. Heather is just plain pretty, and I've always loved shades of purple.
And lastly, this one from Wtoo. No freakin clue what color because I haven't seen the color swatches in person yet.
Post a comment if you've got an opinion!
12 October 2007
Kick-ass jeans
Lane Bryant may be cancelling their bridal line, starting with the dress I wanted to wear for my wedding next year (le sigh)... but I have to say I'm digging this Right Fit thing!
Firmly in Yellow territory [straight from waist to hip], LB's previous lines of jeans - which their marketing says was based on the Blue model [curvy from waist to hip] - never really fit me in the way that I'd hoped for. In fact, I do believe there are previous posts on this blog ranting about how jeans often look like riding jodphers on me.
(FYI - there is a third color/type. LB split the difference between Yellow and Blue, to create Red, which is moderately curvy from waist to hip.)
Right Fit Yellow's are so snugly fitting around my hips that at first I didn't know what to do with myself. After a couple years enduring quasi-jodphers, correctly fitting jeans looked downright weird on my body. You could even say... flattering. Seriously? Seriously! Gasp.
LB not only has their standard jean collection (Classic, Bootcut, Flare) in Right Fit, but also offers their universal work pant, the Houston. I got a pair in the mail yesterday and almost started to cry - in the good way. Do you know how many times I've put on work pants and started to cry tears of frustration and defeat? I don't need to mimic thin girls in their perfectly fitting, perfectly pressed, wide-leg trousers from Express, but I would rather die than show up to work in the equivalent of too short, pleated-waist, peg-legged rayon pants. I don't care if the tag says "has flared leg", there's something about my body that has always made work pants look peg-legged on me.
If you're wanting to buy Right Fit online because there are no LB stores in your neck of the woods, here are a few tips. Firstly, lengths are a little funky. I have the Petite Bootcut and Flare which both ran longer than past Petite models at LB. If you're generally halfway between a Petite and Average (like me!), go with the Petite and it'll be perfect. However, the Petite Houstons I bought were way shorter than any Petite jean or pant I've ever tried at LB. So, go with Average unless you usually have to get your Petites hemmed.
Second, and this isn't specific to LB or Right Fit, I find that Bootcut is now more Straight Leg, and Flare is like a fuller version of Bootcut. I put my Bootcuts on and, being a tried and true fan of Flares, really had to spend some time getting used to how they looked, especially with some of my tops and shoes. If you're a "true" Bootcut fan, I would recommend going for the Flare instead.
And lastly, I found that the fabrics between Bootcut and Flare were very different. Flare in Blue/Black Denim has a much thinner and stretchier texture, and I find them very comfy for moving around in. Bootcut in Dark Rinse Denim has a really lovely polished texture, so much so that they could be substituted for khakis at work. Sorry to say but I haven't investigated the lighter finishes since I'm always scouting for nicer denim for work purposes.
Go forth and conquer the denim world!
ps. Sorry for not writing for so long... I promise to post more often!
Firmly in Yellow territory [straight from waist to hip], LB's previous lines of jeans - which their marketing says was based on the Blue model [curvy from waist to hip] - never really fit me in the way that I'd hoped for. In fact, I do believe there are previous posts on this blog ranting about how jeans often look like riding jodphers on me.
(FYI - there is a third color/type. LB split the difference between Yellow and Blue, to create Red, which is moderately curvy from waist to hip.)
Right Fit Yellow's are so snugly fitting around my hips that at first I didn't know what to do with myself. After a couple years enduring quasi-jodphers, correctly fitting jeans looked downright weird on my body. You could even say... flattering. Seriously? Seriously! Gasp.
LB not only has their standard jean collection (Classic, Bootcut, Flare) in Right Fit, but also offers their universal work pant, the Houston. I got a pair in the mail yesterday and almost started to cry - in the good way. Do you know how many times I've put on work pants and started to cry tears of frustration and defeat? I don't need to mimic thin girls in their perfectly fitting, perfectly pressed, wide-leg trousers from Express, but I would rather die than show up to work in the equivalent of too short, pleated-waist, peg-legged rayon pants. I don't care if the tag says "has flared leg", there's something about my body that has always made work pants look peg-legged on me.
If you're wanting to buy Right Fit online because there are no LB stores in your neck of the woods, here are a few tips. Firstly, lengths are a little funky. I have the Petite Bootcut and Flare which both ran longer than past Petite models at LB. If you're generally halfway between a Petite and Average (like me!), go with the Petite and it'll be perfect. However, the Petite Houstons I bought were way shorter than any Petite jean or pant I've ever tried at LB. So, go with Average unless you usually have to get your Petites hemmed.
Second, and this isn't specific to LB or Right Fit, I find that Bootcut is now more Straight Leg, and Flare is like a fuller version of Bootcut. I put my Bootcuts on and, being a tried and true fan of Flares, really had to spend some time getting used to how they looked, especially with some of my tops and shoes. If you're a "true" Bootcut fan, I would recommend going for the Flare instead.
And lastly, I found that the fabrics between Bootcut and Flare were very different. Flare in Blue/Black Denim has a much thinner and stretchier texture, and I find them very comfy for moving around in. Bootcut in Dark Rinse Denim has a really lovely polished texture, so much so that they could be substituted for khakis at work. Sorry to say but I haven't investigated the lighter finishes since I'm always scouting for nicer denim for work purposes.
Go forth and conquer the denim world!
ps. Sorry for not writing for so long... I promise to post more often!
19 August 2007
Mo'Nique's F.A.T. Chance
Ever heard of a little show on Oxygen called "Mo'Nique's F.A.T. Chance"? Apparently it's been on once per year for three years now, but I only just heard of it. It's basically a fat girl beauty pageant, which is cool in and of itself. Recently I watched a rerun of the 2006 version, and also this year's, which took place in Paris, France. I thought I'd love it, but didn't.
What I did like was the lead-up to the pageant. On the 2006 show, Mo'Nique took the pageant contestants horse back riding. One of the women was freaked out, presumably because it was her first time on a horse and because she felt like she'd break its back under her weight. Mo'Nique soothed the woman in part by saying, "It's okay, baby. I'm trying to change the way fat girls live." Meaning, presumably, that fat women generally do not horse back ride or even entertain the notion of horse back riding. Hell, I rode horses as a kid but as a fat adult, I'd certainly have some hesitations and breaking the horse's back would be one of them.
On the 2007 show, Mo'Nique had her contestants - and herself - painted in full body makeup and then pose nude (except for a thong) for pictures. It was a cool idea, and fun to see Mo'Nique in full glory as well. I liked that fat bodies were shown on TV, and NOT because they were getting weighed in for a weight loss reality show or some shit like that. I also liked that the contestant who won the competition was the one most eager to participate in the nude exercise.
In terms of the actual pageant I liked the 2007 version better, in which the contestants wore high fashion clothing and paraded down a runway, similar to a fashion show. The fashions were - gasp! - similar to what thin women wear, and I appreciated that. The judges all sat down together afterwards and chatted to decide a winner.
In 2006, it was literally like a beauty pageant, in which there were different categories that contestants were judged on, including the heinous question and answer portion. I thought the clothes the contestants wore were pretty icksville for the most part. They vacillated from the typical big flowy loose shirt over tight-ish jeans to so skin-tight that you could see everyone's lumps and bumps. Now, fat women have lumps and bumps and hiding them should not be a necessity but did they have to go all the way to the other end of the spectrum, to evening dresses that were practically painted on?
Like I said, I didn't love it... but only because I was so excited when I first heard of the show and the reality of it knocked the wind out of my sails. If any of you have seen it, I'd love to know what you thought.
ps. I just read a little feature about Mo'Nique in People (the one with Katie Holmes on the cover), and it was pretty good! She's such an interesting person. Mo'Nique, I dig you!
What I did like was the lead-up to the pageant. On the 2006 show, Mo'Nique took the pageant contestants horse back riding. One of the women was freaked out, presumably because it was her first time on a horse and because she felt like she'd break its back under her weight. Mo'Nique soothed the woman in part by saying, "It's okay, baby. I'm trying to change the way fat girls live." Meaning, presumably, that fat women generally do not horse back ride or even entertain the notion of horse back riding. Hell, I rode horses as a kid but as a fat adult, I'd certainly have some hesitations and breaking the horse's back would be one of them.
On the 2007 show, Mo'Nique had her contestants - and herself - painted in full body makeup and then pose nude (except for a thong) for pictures. It was a cool idea, and fun to see Mo'Nique in full glory as well. I liked that fat bodies were shown on TV, and NOT because they were getting weighed in for a weight loss reality show or some shit like that. I also liked that the contestant who won the competition was the one most eager to participate in the nude exercise.
In terms of the actual pageant I liked the 2007 version better, in which the contestants wore high fashion clothing and paraded down a runway, similar to a fashion show. The fashions were - gasp! - similar to what thin women wear, and I appreciated that. The judges all sat down together afterwards and chatted to decide a winner.
In 2006, it was literally like a beauty pageant, in which there were different categories that contestants were judged on, including the heinous question and answer portion. I thought the clothes the contestants wore were pretty icksville for the most part. They vacillated from the typical big flowy loose shirt over tight-ish jeans to so skin-tight that you could see everyone's lumps and bumps. Now, fat women have lumps and bumps and hiding them should not be a necessity but did they have to go all the way to the other end of the spectrum, to evening dresses that were practically painted on?
Like I said, I didn't love it... but only because I was so excited when I first heard of the show and the reality of it knocked the wind out of my sails. If any of you have seen it, I'd love to know what you thought.
ps. I just read a little feature about Mo'Nique in People (the one with Katie Holmes on the cover), and it was pretty good! She's such an interesting person. Mo'Nique, I dig you!
28 July 2007
Virtual Garage Sale - Plus Size Clothing
I cleaned out my closet today and instead of chucking everything into a box for Goodwill, I pulled out a few nice items for a "virtual garage sale".
Here are pics.
Everything is FREE... I just wanna give stuff a good home. If you live outside the Bay Area, I'll ship stuff to you but please be willing to reimburse me for shipping cost. If you live in the Bay Area, I'm sure we can work out a drop off/pick up arrangement.
Let me know if you're interested in anything - just drop me a comment!
XOXO,
Zaftig Girl
Here are pics.
Everything is FREE... I just wanna give stuff a good home. If you live outside the Bay Area, I'll ship stuff to you but please be willing to reimburse me for shipping cost. If you live in the Bay Area, I'm sure we can work out a drop off/pick up arrangement.
Let me know if you're interested in anything - just drop me a comment!
XOXO,
Zaftig Girl
01 June 2007
Thin
Since Monday night, when I watched Lauren Greenfield's documentary Thin, my mind and heart have been heavy. I can't stop thinking about the characters and their heartbreaking stories. I can't stop thinking about eating disorders, body image and mental health, and how those things relate to my life and my struggle with being fat.
I was relieved today to read the following on Greenfield's website, which states what I've desperately been trying to summarize in my head for the past four days.
"[Eating disorders] are not simply about food or body image or self-esteem, but a tangle of personal, familial, cultural and mental health issues."
The film captures this notion without handing it to you on a silver platter, which I'm sure is why I struggled with a definition. It's also why I think it's a great documentary.
Do watch it if you get a chance. If nothing else, check out Greenfield's website. She produced a book of photography in conjunction with the film, and she has a small portfolio of those photographs posted.
I was relieved today to read the following on Greenfield's website, which states what I've desperately been trying to summarize in my head for the past four days.
"[Eating disorders] are not simply about food or body image or self-esteem, but a tangle of personal, familial, cultural and mental health issues."
The film captures this notion without handing it to you on a silver platter, which I'm sure is why I struggled with a definition. It's also why I think it's a great documentary.
Do watch it if you get a chance. If nothing else, check out Greenfield's website. She produced a book of photography in conjunction with the film, and she has a small portfolio of those photographs posted.
12 April 2007
Size-positive dancing = fun
Wouldn't it be cool if there were a fat version of the Pussycat Dolls? I'm fully sucked in to Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll, eventhough I don't actually like the Pussycat Dolls (the girl group version anyhow, whereas the original burlesque stage show was cool). It's good times watching the contestants develop the songs and dances they're assigned to each week.
San Francisco, CA, and Boston, MA, actually do have hip-hop dance troupes for fat girls, known as the Phat Fly Girls. I heard about them several years ago and it looks like Big Moves has since added a modern dance troupe, called Mass Movement. Cool!
A couple years ago I was stopped on my way out of a restaurant by two zaftig women asking if I was interested in doing burlesque. They said they thought I had a good look for it and gave me their (post)card, for Big Burlesque. Aww!
And who the heck isn't charmed by The Devil-ettes? Most of their dancers are not zaftig, but they're a size-positive troupe in general. They're actually auditioning right now, if you're interested! Here's page, if you're interested.
Lastly, an honorable mention to The Cock-T's, who I found out about via the Devil-ette's MySpace profile. They don't purport to be size-positive or anything... they just look like they're having a good time.
San Francisco, CA, and Boston, MA, actually do have hip-hop dance troupes for fat girls, known as the Phat Fly Girls. I heard about them several years ago and it looks like Big Moves has since added a modern dance troupe, called Mass Movement. Cool!
A couple years ago I was stopped on my way out of a restaurant by two zaftig women asking if I was interested in doing burlesque. They said they thought I had a good look for it and gave me their (post)card, for Big Burlesque. Aww!
And who the heck isn't charmed by The Devil-ettes? Most of their dancers are not zaftig, but they're a size-positive troupe in general. They're actually auditioning right now, if you're interested! Here's page, if you're interested.
Lastly, an honorable mention to The Cock-T's, who I found out about via the Devil-ette's MySpace profile. They don't purport to be size-positive or anything... they just look like they're having a good time.
16 March 2007
Pigs, fat or not
My friend Koly and her theatre company just finished a local run of the new-ish Broadway play, Fat Pig. She played Helen, the lead female, the "fat pig". She was great!
Fat Pig is about Helen meeting a conservative Wall Street broker type, Tom, who is into her but has a hard time admitting it to his shallow friends. When he does, he gets the standard frat boy reaming but sticks to his guns and defends his attraction to Helen. While they're happy together, she eventually has to confront him about having never met or hung out with his friends, and about how he always wants to stay in rather than go out on the town (subtext: and be seen with her). Tom assuages her fears but shortly thereafter realizes he can't stand up to the mocking of his friends or his own ability to be okay with dating a fat chick. The final scene of the play, in which he breaks up with her at his company picnic, is meant to say that she might be a pig in body but he's a pig at heart. Helen is, of course, heart broken and breaks down in tears.
I'd heard quite a bit about the play when it first came out on Broadway, because cute-but-zaftig-no-longer Sara Rue premiered the part of Helen. In fact, if you click the above link for her IMDB profile, you'll see just how not-fat she is now. And while you're there, get a load of the Message Boards at the bottom of the page. Gotta love the first message entitled, "WOW! She got hot!" Whatever, pig. Girl looks like she's starving now. It's unfortunate because I thought she was absolutely gorgeous as a zaftig redhead.
Given all I'd heard about the play, I didn't think it would be startling. Little did I know the shock and horror would creep up on me in the days after I saw it. The more I thought about it, the more Helen reminded me of myself at a very weak point in my life, when I had a crushing crush on a coworker who would only show me attention, some of it sexual in nature, when we were alone together.
Helen is supposed to be "bright, funny and sexy". I certainly tried to be those things for my coworker crush, but felt completely adrift and worthless on the inside. I'm always suspicious of male writers writing about female characters, but doubly so here. I wondered if the author, Neil LaBute, really knew where to go with Helen. I kept thinking, "if she's so bright, funny and sexy, then why doesn't she dump his ass?" Well, for the same reason I refused to kick my coworker habit. Inside Helen is some sort of struggle between self worth and wanting to be loved, and as a human, fat or not, it's not too hard to infer that. I kinda wish LaBute would have chosen to convey that struggle rather than Helen being a sexy confident woman out of the starting gates only to metamorphize into a heartbroken mess at the finish line, with very little grey area in between.
Doesn't sound like it but I'm commending Neil LaBute and the script, actually. IMHO, good art is provacative and opaque, and has you thinking about it, decoding, well after you've encountered it. Fat Pig stands up to my definition and then some. The only reason the lack of transparency around Helen's internal struggle irks me is because it's too real. I know a lot of strong and confident women, but they aren't necessarily strong and confident in every aspect of their lives, and in most cases they fear admitting that. There's no reason Helen is any different just because she's fat. In media, fat people are often portrayed as vulnerable just by virtue of being fat, so it's actually kind of refreshing that Helen came off as armoured.
On a completely different note, I had a funny moment during the play. To my horror, Koly utilized a sundress I bought in 1997 to portray Helen in the company picnic scene. I bought it online from a former zaftig MTV VJ who had a small line of plus-size clothing, and whose name I can't remember for the life of me. (Abby something?) I coveted that dress for about a year before I could afford it. It was like $75 without shipping/handling! When the package finally arrived, I tore it open and tried on the dress... and it was the most heinous piece of crap I've put on my body to this day. The print was fierce, two little red cherries on a green stem, set against a white background. The cut was disasterous. I can't even describe it to you or else I'll go into convulsions. In fact, when I saw it on stage, I had to avert my eyes. When we greeted Koly after the show, she did the Church Lady dance and said in mocking tone, "Remember this dress?"
It's an evening, and a dress, I won't forget for a long time.
Fat Pig is about Helen meeting a conservative Wall Street broker type, Tom, who is into her but has a hard time admitting it to his shallow friends. When he does, he gets the standard frat boy reaming but sticks to his guns and defends his attraction to Helen. While they're happy together, she eventually has to confront him about having never met or hung out with his friends, and about how he always wants to stay in rather than go out on the town (subtext: and be seen with her). Tom assuages her fears but shortly thereafter realizes he can't stand up to the mocking of his friends or his own ability to be okay with dating a fat chick. The final scene of the play, in which he breaks up with her at his company picnic, is meant to say that she might be a pig in body but he's a pig at heart. Helen is, of course, heart broken and breaks down in tears.
I'd heard quite a bit about the play when it first came out on Broadway, because cute-but-zaftig-no-longer Sara Rue premiered the part of Helen. In fact, if you click the above link for her IMDB profile, you'll see just how not-fat she is now. And while you're there, get a load of the Message Boards at the bottom of the page. Gotta love the first message entitled, "WOW! She got hot!" Whatever, pig. Girl looks like she's starving now. It's unfortunate because I thought she was absolutely gorgeous as a zaftig redhead.
Given all I'd heard about the play, I didn't think it would be startling. Little did I know the shock and horror would creep up on me in the days after I saw it. The more I thought about it, the more Helen reminded me of myself at a very weak point in my life, when I had a crushing crush on a coworker who would only show me attention, some of it sexual in nature, when we were alone together.
Helen is supposed to be "bright, funny and sexy". I certainly tried to be those things for my coworker crush, but felt completely adrift and worthless on the inside. I'm always suspicious of male writers writing about female characters, but doubly so here. I wondered if the author, Neil LaBute, really knew where to go with Helen. I kept thinking, "if she's so bright, funny and sexy, then why doesn't she dump his ass?" Well, for the same reason I refused to kick my coworker habit. Inside Helen is some sort of struggle between self worth and wanting to be loved, and as a human, fat or not, it's not too hard to infer that. I kinda wish LaBute would have chosen to convey that struggle rather than Helen being a sexy confident woman out of the starting gates only to metamorphize into a heartbroken mess at the finish line, with very little grey area in between.
Doesn't sound like it but I'm commending Neil LaBute and the script, actually. IMHO, good art is provacative and opaque, and has you thinking about it, decoding, well after you've encountered it. Fat Pig stands up to my definition and then some. The only reason the lack of transparency around Helen's internal struggle irks me is because it's too real. I know a lot of strong and confident women, but they aren't necessarily strong and confident in every aspect of their lives, and in most cases they fear admitting that. There's no reason Helen is any different just because she's fat. In media, fat people are often portrayed as vulnerable just by virtue of being fat, so it's actually kind of refreshing that Helen came off as armoured.
On a completely different note, I had a funny moment during the play. To my horror, Koly utilized a sundress I bought in 1997 to portray Helen in the company picnic scene. I bought it online from a former zaftig MTV VJ who had a small line of plus-size clothing, and whose name I can't remember for the life of me. (Abby something?) I coveted that dress for about a year before I could afford it. It was like $75 without shipping/handling! When the package finally arrived, I tore it open and tried on the dress... and it was the most heinous piece of crap I've put on my body to this day. The print was fierce, two little red cherries on a green stem, set against a white background. The cut was disasterous. I can't even describe it to you or else I'll go into convulsions. In fact, when I saw it on stage, I had to avert my eyes. When we greeted Koly after the show, she did the Church Lady dance and said in mocking tone, "Remember this dress?"
It's an evening, and a dress, I won't forget for a long time.
15 March 2007
Hair powder: wow!
[Preface: I'm posting this because hair issues are universal. Or maybe I just want to shout from yet another rooftop because my enthusiam knows no boundaries.]
Omigawd, who the hell knew that hair powder actually worked? Bumble and bumble, I love you! More than usual! Which is saying a lot, actually, given that I use approximately eight of your hair products on a regular basis!
I used it for the first time this morning, when I was running too late to work to be able to condition and blow-dry effectively. It comes out in a blast so strong that I thought the stream of powder was going to bore through my scalp. Note to self: take their clever instruction of "Keep your distance! 10-12 inches at least!" seriously.
After a thorough spritz on the greasiest portions of my hair, I brushed it through and VOILA! My hair looked clean once again. In fact, maybe I will never wash my head again.
Not only does it dry cleanse, but it creates a bit 'o' volume on fine hair due to the added texture, and apparently you can also use it for "no slip updo's".
Bumble and bumble hair powder, you are my bitch lover.
Now, back to our regularly scheduled program.
Omigawd, who the hell knew that hair powder actually worked? Bumble and bumble, I love you! More than usual! Which is saying a lot, actually, given that I use approximately eight of your hair products on a regular basis!
I used it for the first time this morning, when I was running too late to work to be able to condition and blow-dry effectively. It comes out in a blast so strong that I thought the stream of powder was going to bore through my scalp. Note to self: take their clever instruction of "Keep your distance! 10-12 inches at least!" seriously.
After a thorough spritz on the greasiest portions of my hair, I brushed it through and VOILA! My hair looked clean once again. In fact, maybe I will never wash my head again.
Not only does it dry cleanse, but it creates a bit 'o' volume on fine hair due to the added texture, and apparently you can also use it for "no slip updo's".
Bumble and bumble hair powder, you are my bitch lover.
Now, back to our regularly scheduled program.
24 January 2007
On being attractive
Spring semester just started at the college campus where I've worked for seven years, and prior to that attended for five. When I was single, I was always eager to check out the new crop of guys at the start of each semester. I'm coupled now and it takes a pretty special and/or hot guy to catch my eye, but I still scan. I admit it.
As I was cruising through the hallway to the restroom this afternoon, I saw a chubby schlubby indie guy talking to an obviously pretty indie girl. I was flooded with memories of pursuing that kind of dude when I was single. I always liked the obviously cute indie guys, but I pursued the chubby schlubby ones because I thought I had more of a chance. The cruel truth was that I had as little or even less of a chance than I did with the obviously cute variety. That took years to figure out. In fact, when I wrote my personal ad for Craigslist, the one that led me to Honey Bunny, I had a very hard time deciding whether to add "cute" to the list of traits I was looking for in a guy. Mostly, I felt like I didn't deserve to have "cute". Thankfully, in the end, I did include it. (Honey Bunny is hella cute!)
This "cute" thing is all about self worth. I had to feel worthy of being someone's mate in order to actually get one, and part of feeling worthy is feeling attractive. There were plenty of times when I didn't respond to personal ads that I liked, based only on the advertiser saying he was seeking someone pretty/cute/beautiful/whatever. Depending on my mood, I either thought I wasn't pretty enough, or I thought the guy was an asshole for even mentioning that he was seeking someone attractive.
Well, I was projecting when I wrote my personal ad. I didn't feel it was fair to ask for "cute" of potential suitors. But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that being attractive isn't just about physical attributes. It's largely about a state of mind, how you feel about yourself.
In the end, I included "cute" because I decided to own my own cuteness, and because I was finally able to admit that I wanted a cute boyfriend, and most importantly because I wanted a mate that felt good about himself. People of all shapes and sizes are able to feel good about themselves, and "cute" is totally subjective.
Back to Mister Chubby Schlubb (MCS)... not the guy in the hallway, but the entire genre. In retrospect, I see that those dudes either felt good about themselves and/or they didn't let the "Is she out of my league?" question plague them, and so they pursued the pretty girl. Nothing wrong with that, except that at the time it felt like some heinous joke the universe was playing on me. I thought of myself as Ms. Chubby Schlubb, thereby obliterating my chances with pretty much everyone. In retrospect, I just wish that I'd been more like the MCS's and had the worth and the nerve to pursue guys I actually found attractive -- whether they were rail thin, chubby, or whatever.
As I was cruising through the hallway to the restroom this afternoon, I saw a chubby schlubby indie guy talking to an obviously pretty indie girl. I was flooded with memories of pursuing that kind of dude when I was single. I always liked the obviously cute indie guys, but I pursued the chubby schlubby ones because I thought I had more of a chance. The cruel truth was that I had as little or even less of a chance than I did with the obviously cute variety. That took years to figure out. In fact, when I wrote my personal ad for Craigslist, the one that led me to Honey Bunny, I had a very hard time deciding whether to add "cute" to the list of traits I was looking for in a guy. Mostly, I felt like I didn't deserve to have "cute". Thankfully, in the end, I did include it. (Honey Bunny is hella cute!)
This "cute" thing is all about self worth. I had to feel worthy of being someone's mate in order to actually get one, and part of feeling worthy is feeling attractive. There were plenty of times when I didn't respond to personal ads that I liked, based only on the advertiser saying he was seeking someone pretty/cute/beautiful/whatever. Depending on my mood, I either thought I wasn't pretty enough, or I thought the guy was an asshole for even mentioning that he was seeking someone attractive.
Well, I was projecting when I wrote my personal ad. I didn't feel it was fair to ask for "cute" of potential suitors. But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that being attractive isn't just about physical attributes. It's largely about a state of mind, how you feel about yourself.
In the end, I included "cute" because I decided to own my own cuteness, and because I was finally able to admit that I wanted a cute boyfriend, and most importantly because I wanted a mate that felt good about himself. People of all shapes and sizes are able to feel good about themselves, and "cute" is totally subjective.
Back to Mister Chubby Schlubb (MCS)... not the guy in the hallway, but the entire genre. In retrospect, I see that those dudes either felt good about themselves and/or they didn't let the "Is she out of my league?" question plague them, and so they pursued the pretty girl. Nothing wrong with that, except that at the time it felt like some heinous joke the universe was playing on me. I thought of myself as Ms. Chubby Schlubb, thereby obliterating my chances with pretty much everyone. In retrospect, I just wish that I'd been more like the MCS's and had the worth and the nerve to pursue guys I actually found attractive -- whether they were rail thin, chubby, or whatever.
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