Jerri Gray's responsibility

I've been thinking about this article ever since I came across it:

Where do parents fit in the childhood obesity puzzle?

For starters I always love the inevitable accompanying photo of a really fat person - so fat that s/he is seemingly bursting at the seams - with these articles. [Sarcasm.] The fat person is always shown from the back or, if from the front, from the neck or waist down, presumably to preserve the person's anonymity. I especially love the one with this article since it's a fat child surrounded by several other fat children at the pool, everyone in bathing suits.

That said, I actually liked the content of the article and thought it made some good points. I got to it because I read this piece and also this one, about Alexander Draper being removed from his home and mother and put in foster care. Social services asserts his mother was being medically neglectful by not tending to her son's severe obesity.

This is one of those rare cases where an interest of mine (fatism) collides with my work world (child welfare). While I'm not a social worker myself, I've been orbiting in the public social services world for long enough to have an informed opinion.

To address that particular area: it is one of the most traumatic experiences for a child to be removed from his/her home, and it "should" only happen if there is an immediate and compelling safety issue at hand. Obesity, to me, doesn't qualify here. It is a compelling risk that can be managed (starting immediately) by social services while still keeping the child in his home. Unfortunately, Alexander's mother, Jerri Gray, fled the state with him upon learning that she was being investigated for neglect and thus, we have the makings of a safety issue for the child, and he was removed from her care when Jerri and Alexander resurfaced. It's just too bad that reports from news outlets are failing to mention this key plot twist in favor of sensationalism about childhood obesity and criminality.

Allow me, for just a moment, to indulge in being even more of a card-carrying member of the PC Police. Here we have a single Black mother who was working the equivalent of 2-3 jobs to make ends meet, and who said she'd bring home fast food for dinner because there was no time to cook. Let's assume that if she's working 2-3 jobs she's probably financially strapped as well, and fast food is cheap. Fast food chains also tend to be prevalent in low income neighborhoods and especially where there are populations of color, and therefore those populations tend to have health and/or weight problems as a result. There is also a huge problem in the US with disproportionality, with predominantly Black families in the child welfare system. Can you say "vicious circle"?

The point of the original article was to explore the question: if adults must always accept personal responsibility for being fat, then who bears the responsibility for a child being fat? I've often wondered that myself, especially as Honey Bunny and I have been trying to have a kid. Because I'm fat and have been so since childhood (and HB carries a bit extra himself), does that mean we're destined to have a fat kid? Because I don't have great exercise habits myself, will I care less about making sure my kid has an active lifestyle?

I think of my friend Gina and her daughter Chloe. Gina is petite in every way but I would never characterize her as "active". While she does enjoy some occasional snowboarding in winter and casual bike rides in the summer, she doesn't go to the gym or to yoga or anything like that. In fact, she eschews "working out" because it's not enjoyable to her. But yet, Chloe has been active in soccer and softball since she was about five years old, and at Gina's behest. Chloe likes those particular sports too, of course, otherwise Gina says she would find something else for Chloe to do. Chloe is now 13 and I've known her since she was four; Gina's got some years of parenting under her belt, and I plan to steal several of her methods (up to and including taking my kid to rock shows, Burning Man and various other events typically for adults that a kid could really enjoy). In the end, I don't know that parents manifesting the athleticism they'd like to see in their kids is what kids need to see in order to integrate being active into their own lives. I could be wrong, though.

On a different and last note, I have to say that the comments section of these types of online articles always really horrify me. There is a lot of judgement, and some outright hatred, for fat and fat people. It makes me wonder: what about being fat is so inexcusable?