Dearest Carnie,
I remember your interview in People and seeing snippets of other interviews on various TV shows after you got your surgery. What burned a permanent hole in my memory was a portion of the interview when they asked if your husband still would have married you even if you hadn't lost the weight. Your response was something like, "Umm, yeah, I think. I mean, he loves me either way but he prefers me to be thinner. You know, for my health and all." It was sad, Carnie. All that you did during this period of time seemed so desperate. Your struggle was and is no different than pretty much any other fat girl or woman in the US. You long to be seen and loved, and if your life is deprived of that for long enough you'll do pretty much anything to get attention.
Such as... a high profile weight loss surgery that was actually broadcast live on the internet. A high profile slimming down period afterwards. A high profile wedding. A high profile pregnancy and birth. And now, a high profile struggle on Celebrity Fit Club 4 to lose some of the weight you gained back.
Seems you always have to defend yourself and your weight loss surgery. Did you really expect the panel on CFC4 not to bring it up? I never in my life thought I'd say this, but I agreed with them! Dear, you were not 400-500 lbs. and going to die if you didn't get the surgery. You were high 200's and able to lose weight without medical intervention. In fact, all the money you spent on the surgery could've hooked you up with Jackie Warner at Sky and a personal chef to cook you nice low-fat or low-carb meals. Sure, Rosie O'Donnell sided with you on The View in regards to the panel's comments but I'm pretty sure she was just licking your ass in typical Hollywood fashion. You are so lucky you didn't end up as a haiku on her blog.
Speaking of The View, let's address a little something you said about your one year old daughter that frightened the shit out of me. Something to the effect of, "Sometimes she has food all over her face and yet she's still trying to tell me she's hungry, and I think, Oh my gosh! Should I not feed her so she won't end up like me?" Do you realize this isn't healthy? Children are not yet tainted by thoughts of shit like, "I'm not really hungry anymore but I think I'll still eat." They eat until they're full - faces smeared with food or not - and then they stop. Granted, they learn by example and so you need to set a good one for her, but let the child eat what she wants for right now, for fuck's sake!
Ultimately, Carnie, I have compassion for you. Hollywood is not an easy place to reside, and you could've taken much more drastic measures than just getting a couple of surgeries. I know what it's like to want acceptance, and the desperation that can well up from that deep dark place. All I really want to say to you is, Chill the fuck out and get some therapy! You always look like you're about to burst from the seams, and I ain't talking about your body or clothes. Work on your mind instead of your body for a little while, because I'm sure it will be welcome respite. You need it.
Love,
Zaftig Girl
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