You know from my last post that I have been dealing with anxiety. It took a long time, but I finally decided to try Lexapro for it, and I had a pretty interesting experience. And yes, this does relate to The Fat Life... hang in there.
Back in the early 2000's, I was on Paxil for a year and a half for severe depression. The meds helped tremendously and I got my life back on track, and consistently gaining 5 lbs a month and almost losing my job because I loved sleep so much was worth it. Then I decided to go off the meds. And by "go off the meds", what I really mean is "suffered through six weeks of withdrawl hell."
Deciding to go on meds this time was more complicated. Taking an SSRI drug is a commitment, and I knew that fully this time around. I really didn't want to go on them but nevertheless got a presciption from the doctor and filled it. Then I let the bottle sit in my bedside stand for about a month while I thought about it. One day, after not sleeping well or at all for the previous four nights, I decided it was time.
Unfortunately, starting the meds also coincided with my getting the flu. As I laid on my sofa with a 101 degree fever for five days, I figured the unquenchable thirst, the dizziness, the wired mind, the nausea (and various other symptoms of an upset digestive tract, ahem), the not being able to sleep well, and worst of all, the unrelenting loss of appetite, was all flu related. But then again... save for some dizziness and strange sleep/dreams -- and nausea when it was stomach flu specifically -- I'd never really had those symptoms with the flu. Hmm.
I thought maybe the wired mind and lack of hunger was coming from the decongestant I was taking without eating much to compensate, yet every time I tried to make myself eat I felt like barfing. I decided to lay off the decongestant for 24 hours to get my body back on track, but it didn't help. Looking at, smelling, and/or thinking of food made me cringe.
Finally the flu left, yet the symptoms I noted above didn't. If anything, certain symptoms got worse. I was thirsty constantly, no matter how much water I drank. (Thirst like you've just worked out really hard after eating a super salty meal, and your lips are all dry, and you feel desperate to drink something, anything, you can get yours hands on.) But most notably the loss of appetite did not leave.
Honey Bunny's mom has told me a few times now about how, when her daughter died, she considered it a "gift" from her deceased daughter that she lost 20 lbs and could barely eat. I always think, Excuse me, you think it's a gift that you were so grief-stricken that you barely ate for three months? And, I have a few female coworkers who will share stories in the lunchroom of epic stomach bugs... the kind that helped them drop 5-10 lbs and/or toned their abs "without any effort whatsoever". Huh?
One of those coworkers used to be a RN and is now a trusted colleague and occasional advice nurse for me. I consulted with her about the side effects I was dealing with and I should not have been at all shocked when she said the following:
"Think of the appetite suppression as a gift from the universe! It won't last forever but in the meantime use it to kick-start a new era of health in your life. The human body can go for days without food. Just make sure you drink something with lots of vitamins, like those Nutrisystem shakes."
Okaaaaaaay. Still a trusted colleague, but probably no longer my occasional advice nurse. I might mention that she also said, during this same conversation, "When I went on anti-depressants after my son died, I actually asked for Wellbutrin specifically because it's also a weight loss drug."
Perhaps it's of note that these women are all over the age of 50. I've noticed that women of a certain age tend to think of weight loss as a permanent and, to some extent, unattainable goal. And no wonder... they've been hammered with messages from the media and society about weight loss at any cost for at least half a century.
I hung in there for as long as I could with the Lexapro but did decide to quit (for the side effects and other reasons unexplained here). After two days of no meds, I pulled my requisite yogurt and flax seed oil out of the fridge for breakfast and thought, Hey, the thought of eating this doesn't make me want to hurl, hooray!
I've dealt with loss of appetite before, like when my sister died. It was different. Food tasted like cardboard but I knew I had to eat something in order to keep going in life and that was ok with my body. Forcing myself to eat and then forcing myself to not vomit afterwards was a whole different ballgame. It was literally disturbing to me. It felt like anything but "healthy" and certainly didn't feel like a "gift".
Also, I could not stop pondering what would happen after the loss of appetite subsided, or what would happen after I went off the drug. What if I lost weight because of the drug, and then it all came back after the effect or drug left my system? How healthy is that? Sorry to be old school here, but in my opinion, and at least for people who are still mobile, there is really only one truly natural and effective manner in which to lose weight and it involves dealing with your diet and exercise habits sans pharmaceuticals or surgery.
PS. Good lord, I just noticed how many times I referenced deaths of loved ones in this post.
